Hi friends. Its been a while. Things have been crazy for my family - we're in the middle of a move to Jacksonville, Fl, in which Wes has been there since May & my kids & I have remained in Moncks Corner until we found a house & all that goes along with that.
I've talked very little to my mom about our move. I know at the stage she's at, she won't remember, & it could very well become a huge stressor for her in that moment. Even so, between over hearing moving talk, & Lisa currently traveling, I think she's a bit confused at where I'm actually at.
Last night, we called on Skype, like we do most evenings. As soon as she sat down, the house phone rang, & my dad went to answer it. It was then just me & my mom. She was very cheerful (a nice surprise!) & asked me how I was & then asked where I was now. I replied that I was at "home" & told her we had been to the grocery store, etc. One of the hardest things I've had to learn to control over the past couple of years is my laughter, & I'll tell you why. Her next sentence was, "we're at the beach house & wish y'all were here too!" She was sitting in their living room of 30 years in Inman. I know they've had a lot of rain lately, & their backyard very well might look like an ocean. Who knows! Or maybe that beautiful view of the blue ridge mountains they have looked like the blue of the ocean on that particular day? Which ever it was, she was happy & told me they were having a great time! You learn to go with it, especially when its a happy moment. I told her I wished I was also at the beach house.
What makes it an even better 'laughing through the tears' moment is that even though she didn't recognize her house of 30 years, my daughter jumped in my lap about a minute & a half after the beach house comment & she automatically said, "well hey Sadie Grace!", without skipping a beat. Once again, the crazy world of early onset Alzheimer's has given me a headache. She doesn't remember she's at her house, but she remembers my 5 year old's name?! Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic she remembered Sadie's name, there are times when she has trouble getting it out, & I know they'll be a day when she won't know it, but its so frustrating that she remembers something so new, but forgets something so familiar, & doesn't feel like she has a home even when she's at the house she & my dad planned & built 30 years ago.
By then, my dad was back, & they went on talking to Sadie about her day & trying to get Hudson to come over & say hey (he's 2 & doesn't really like to sit still to Skype!). Sadie was my typical silly 5 year old who can read her Nana J's mood so well & kept doing stuff to make my mom laugh over & over. I have such an amazing little girl! & my mom's laugh, such a beautiful sound! I don't get to hear it enough anymore. I think the biggest lesson this horrible disease has taught me is to treasure every single moment of joy, no matter how big or small, & make as many memories as possible, even with the little stuff. I know for the rest of my life, God willing, I will be able to look at the computer & "see" my mom & daughter on Skype making silly faces back & forth to each other, & both of them giggling like crazy. Isn't it funny how silly faces can bring tears of joy & sadness to my eyes?!
Cherish every moment you have with your loved ones friends!
Jennifer
Friday, July 19, 2013
Sunday, February 24, 2013
How's Wes?!
A few weeks ago, I went up to Inman by myself, to spend a long weekend with my mom & dad. At this point, I hadn't heard my mom say my name in several weeks. Here it was, the middle of January & it was before Christmas since she had called me Jennifer. Usually, she would refer to me as "mom" if Sadie or Hudson were in view or just wave her hand at me so I would know she was talking to me. I was okay with this. I knew she knew who I was, not necessarily her daughter, but she knew me. Most of the time, she was still able to call my kids by their names. Every now & then, I would hear kids, or girl if she was talking to Sadie over skype.
I drove up on a Friday afternoon, so I just met my parents at a restaurant for dinner that night before going to their house. We order our food, sit down, & start to eat. She had told me hello & asked how I was in the parking lot, but never said my name. So, imagine my surprise, when she just looks at me & said, "How's Wes?"
Now, for those of you who don't know, Wes is my husband. We are coming up on eight years of marriage in May. Granted, we started dating when I was eighteen, & I'll be (yes, I'm going to say it) 33 on Tuesday (feel free to send me a gift, lol!). So, Wes has been around a while. But, I have been around for almost 33 years, not to mention the nine months & 10 days (because I was 10 days overdue!) that she carried me before giving birth to me. See, in most Alzheimer's cases, the newest memories go first, & they usually remember the memories from childhood the longest. In my mom's case, its not like that. There have been gaps, big ones at that. Why can she remember my kids' names but not mine? Its crazy! Then, she asks me, "How's Wes?" when he's not there, she hasn't seen him since Christmas, and neither myself or my dad has mentioned him! I've always known they love Wes, but this takes it to a whole different level.
Wes, of course, thinks its the best thing ever! In his mind, my mom confirmed that he's her favorite! I approach it as at least she knows Wes is part of my life, and she cares about him. We have to take the reminders anyway we can now. I know there will be a day, when she won't remember Wes' name, or my children's names, or who I am. But for now, I'm cherishing every moment, even if that means that Wes is her favorite, lol!
Jennifer
I drove up on a Friday afternoon, so I just met my parents at a restaurant for dinner that night before going to their house. We order our food, sit down, & start to eat. She had told me hello & asked how I was in the parking lot, but never said my name. So, imagine my surprise, when she just looks at me & said, "How's Wes?"
Now, for those of you who don't know, Wes is my husband. We are coming up on eight years of marriage in May. Granted, we started dating when I was eighteen, & I'll be (yes, I'm going to say it) 33 on Tuesday (feel free to send me a gift, lol!). So, Wes has been around a while. But, I have been around for almost 33 years, not to mention the nine months & 10 days (because I was 10 days overdue!) that she carried me before giving birth to me. See, in most Alzheimer's cases, the newest memories go first, & they usually remember the memories from childhood the longest. In my mom's case, its not like that. There have been gaps, big ones at that. Why can she remember my kids' names but not mine? Its crazy! Then, she asks me, "How's Wes?" when he's not there, she hasn't seen him since Christmas, and neither myself or my dad has mentioned him! I've always known they love Wes, but this takes it to a whole different level.
Wes, of course, thinks its the best thing ever! In his mind, my mom confirmed that he's her favorite! I approach it as at least she knows Wes is part of my life, and she cares about him. We have to take the reminders anyway we can now. I know there will be a day, when she won't remember Wes' name, or my children's names, or who I am. But for now, I'm cherishing every moment, even if that means that Wes is her favorite, lol!
Jennifer
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Big Tummy
I've had lots I can write about from the past couple of months, and I will soon, I promise. But tonight's story is more about my sweet daughter, Sadie, & her thoughts on my mom, or Nana J to her.
Sadie will be 5 on Valentine's Day. She has one of the biggest hearts I've ever known, especially from someone so young. Back in the fall, I knew Sadie was beginning to pick up on my mom's Alzheimer's, mainly the repetitive questions, & lack of interest in playing with Sadie when she asked. God gave me the words to explain Alzheimer's to Sadie & what that meant for us & Nana J. I, of course, explained it as simply as possible, letting Sadie know that Alzheimer's is something some people develop when they get older & that it causes you to repeat yourself a lot & forget things really easy.
She understands that is a sickness, but not one that Nana J can go to the doctor for & get medicine to make her all better. She remembers the word 'Alzheimer's', & can say it probably better than most adults. She was very involved in the Walk to End Alzheimer's last September.
The past several months, Sadie has begun to get into chapter books. I love to read, and she told me a while back that she wanted to read a big book like I do. Last time I was up in Inman at my mom & dad's, I went to the basement to my old childhood playroom, and checked out my bookshelf. There is was, my copy of Charlotte's Web, from when I was in elementary school. I brought it home & we started reading it that evening. We read just a chapter every night at bedtime, sometimes even just half of a chapter depending on the length.
Tonight as we finished up her chapter, she asked me what I did when I was a little girl. We talked about how I liked to play games, play outside, do puzzles, & read. She asked who read Charlotte's Web to me when I was little & couldn't read yet. When I told her Nana J did, her reply was, "so she didn't have Alzheimer's then?" Isn't it amazing the level of understanding children have? Just one little question blew me away, and took me back to sweet memories of my mom & I during my childhood. Of course, Sadie always asks more & I cherish these times when I get to tell her about her Nana J, the true Nana J, that she doesn't get to experience.
Just as I was beginning to get teary eyed, in true Sadie fashion, she then asked me, "Did Nana J have her big tummy when you were little too?" I love that little girl! We laughed, and then she told me how much she loves Nana J's big tummy. She then went on to inform me, "that sometimes when you get old, that means you've been around a long time, your tummy can get really big like Nana J's."
I imagine telling my mom this story, & I can hear her say, "Gah" as she's laughing with her wonderful laugh. I miss conversations with my mom so much. I miss getting a phone call from her just because she wanted to call. I miss getting a real hug from her, & not just a "copying everyone else because they're hugging"hug. I miss hearing her tell me she loves me, and not just saying "love you too" after I tell her.
Now, I focus on the memories from throughout the years, & making new ones, just on a different level. I also have to focus on the things that I can, like loving her big tummy!
Jennifer
Sadie will be 5 on Valentine's Day. She has one of the biggest hearts I've ever known, especially from someone so young. Back in the fall, I knew Sadie was beginning to pick up on my mom's Alzheimer's, mainly the repetitive questions, & lack of interest in playing with Sadie when she asked. God gave me the words to explain Alzheimer's to Sadie & what that meant for us & Nana J. I, of course, explained it as simply as possible, letting Sadie know that Alzheimer's is something some people develop when they get older & that it causes you to repeat yourself a lot & forget things really easy.
She understands that is a sickness, but not one that Nana J can go to the doctor for & get medicine to make her all better. She remembers the word 'Alzheimer's', & can say it probably better than most adults. She was very involved in the Walk to End Alzheimer's last September.
The past several months, Sadie has begun to get into chapter books. I love to read, and she told me a while back that she wanted to read a big book like I do. Last time I was up in Inman at my mom & dad's, I went to the basement to my old childhood playroom, and checked out my bookshelf. There is was, my copy of Charlotte's Web, from when I was in elementary school. I brought it home & we started reading it that evening. We read just a chapter every night at bedtime, sometimes even just half of a chapter depending on the length.
Tonight as we finished up her chapter, she asked me what I did when I was a little girl. We talked about how I liked to play games, play outside, do puzzles, & read. She asked who read Charlotte's Web to me when I was little & couldn't read yet. When I told her Nana J did, her reply was, "so she didn't have Alzheimer's then?" Isn't it amazing the level of understanding children have? Just one little question blew me away, and took me back to sweet memories of my mom & I during my childhood. Of course, Sadie always asks more & I cherish these times when I get to tell her about her Nana J, the true Nana J, that she doesn't get to experience.
Just as I was beginning to get teary eyed, in true Sadie fashion, she then asked me, "Did Nana J have her big tummy when you were little too?" I love that little girl! We laughed, and then she told me how much she loves Nana J's big tummy. She then went on to inform me, "that sometimes when you get old, that means you've been around a long time, your tummy can get really big like Nana J's."
I imagine telling my mom this story, & I can hear her say, "Gah" as she's laughing with her wonderful laugh. I miss conversations with my mom so much. I miss getting a phone call from her just because she wanted to call. I miss getting a real hug from her, & not just a "copying everyone else because they're hugging"hug. I miss hearing her tell me she loves me, and not just saying "love you too" after I tell her.
Now, I focus on the memories from throughout the years, & making new ones, just on a different level. I also have to focus on the things that I can, like loving her big tummy!
Jennifer
Friday, November 16, 2012
Taking the Hurt Out
Hi everyone. It's been awhile, huh?! Things have been crazy with our family here lately. We've found a doctor in Charlotte for mom that we all really like. Although, she's having more bad days/moments as of late. We're just taking things one day at a time & cherrishing everything!
A few months ago, right before the end of summer my mom & dad joined the YMCA. We thought it would be great for them to be able to get a little exercise while also getting a little socialization & getting out of the house. We got them going to the Silversneakers classes specifically geared towards their age group. They love it, especially my mom. She talks about going to the Y all the time.
Well, not long after they started, I joined my local Y & go to some of the classes while my daughter is in school. I was talking to her one day about it & telling her how sore I was after a core class. She then proceeded to tell me, that her brother, my uncle, had figured out a way to take the hurt out of working out. I literally had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. My uncle is & will probably be the smartest person I have & will ever know. With that being said, he's still not smart enough to take the hurt out of exercising! =)
She told me that one day, her brother (this is how she refers to him, even though I know him) asked her why she thought people didn't like working out & exercising. Her answer was that they were sore afterwards, so he & some friends figured out how to take the hurt out! Then he taught the ladies that teach her classes at the Y how to lead the exercises without making people sore.
Of course I didn't have the heart to tell her that the reason she isn't sore was because she's not pushing herself & all of that good stuff. I'm just glad she's moving some, meeting new people, & has something to look forward too. My dad on the other hand, has been sore several times from the same classes, lol! Everytime I mention being a little sore from working out, she'll tell me that her brother figured out how to take the hurt out! =)
Jennifer
A few months ago, right before the end of summer my mom & dad joined the YMCA. We thought it would be great for them to be able to get a little exercise while also getting a little socialization & getting out of the house. We got them going to the Silversneakers classes specifically geared towards their age group. They love it, especially my mom. She talks about going to the Y all the time.
Well, not long after they started, I joined my local Y & go to some of the classes while my daughter is in school. I was talking to her one day about it & telling her how sore I was after a core class. She then proceeded to tell me, that her brother, my uncle, had figured out a way to take the hurt out of working out. I literally had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. My uncle is & will probably be the smartest person I have & will ever know. With that being said, he's still not smart enough to take the hurt out of exercising! =)
She told me that one day, her brother (this is how she refers to him, even though I know him) asked her why she thought people didn't like working out & exercising. Her answer was that they were sore afterwards, so he & some friends figured out how to take the hurt out! Then he taught the ladies that teach her classes at the Y how to lead the exercises without making people sore.
Of course I didn't have the heart to tell her that the reason she isn't sore was because she's not pushing herself & all of that good stuff. I'm just glad she's moving some, meeting new people, & has something to look forward too. My dad on the other hand, has been sore several times from the same classes, lol! Everytime I mention being a little sore from working out, she'll tell me that her brother figured out how to take the hurt out! =)
Jennifer
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Retired at 34?!
As you know from my last post, my parents came down for a one night visit close to the end of February. I've lived in the Charleston area now for just a little over a year. So, just like every other time she's visited, my mom asked if she thought we would stay here & how we like living here. My husband works in management with the railroad. We move a lot. In the past 5 years, we lived & owned 4 different houses in 4 different cities. So, of course, we aren't going to stay here. My answer every time she asks is, "We really like it here, but I'm sure we'll move somewhere else eventually, but hopefully not too soon." Somehow though this last time, she got it in her head that we loved it here & we were not going anywhere else. In fact, we love it here so much that Wes, my husband, retired & we're staying here. Wes of course thinks this is the funniest thing ever. He said he would love if he could & had enough money to retire at the age of 34. Of course, this is absurd since my husband isn't anywhere close to retiring age, & anyone in their right mind would know that.
We were on vacation a couple of weeks ago. We went to Tennessee to visit Wes' grandparents. We split the trip up, and went to my mom & dad's for the night, then on to TN the next day. Of course, the first thing my mom asks Wes when we get there is how he's enjoying his retirement, & its even harder to explain because he rarely gets to travel unless he's on vacation.
The funniest thing though, is when she asks me what Wes is up to when we are skyping. When I say, "working" without thinking, she looks at me like I've lost my mind. =) Who knows how long Wes will be retired for. Hopefully not too much longer, because we will, eventually, get transferred again, & I'm sure that will be very confusing for my mom.
The hardest thing about this situation though, like many other situations we deal with with my mom, is understanding why she can remember things she has made up to fill in the blank spaces, but can't remember things that she likes to eat or our birthdays. The brain is an amazing thing.
Until next time, I'm enjoying my husband's retirement......
Jennifer
We were on vacation a couple of weeks ago. We went to Tennessee to visit Wes' grandparents. We split the trip up, and went to my mom & dad's for the night, then on to TN the next day. Of course, the first thing my mom asks Wes when we get there is how he's enjoying his retirement, & its even harder to explain because he rarely gets to travel unless he's on vacation.
The funniest thing though, is when she asks me what Wes is up to when we are skyping. When I say, "working" without thinking, she looks at me like I've lost my mind. =) Who knows how long Wes will be retired for. Hopefully not too much longer, because we will, eventually, get transferred again, & I'm sure that will be very confusing for my mom.
The hardest thing about this situation though, like many other situations we deal with with my mom, is understanding why she can remember things she has made up to fill in the blank spaces, but can't remember things that she likes to eat or our birthdays. The brain is an amazing thing.
Until next time, I'm enjoying my husband's retirement......
Jennifer
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Beauty Shop Talk
My daughter turned 4 on Valentine's Day. My dad has been trying to get down for a visit since before her birthday. Here it is, February 23rd, & they still haven't made it down. My dad did get sick last week & we were glad he didn't share his germs with us. So, he decided they would come down this weekend. He thought it would be nice to come down on Thursday afternoon, so they could visit Thursday evening, all day Friday, & half of the day Saturday before heading back. That way, they could take Sadie shopping for her birthday, which they've been promising, & also help celebrate my birthday, which is Sunday.
Before I continue, I need to give you a little background info so you better understand this story. My mom has turned into one of those little old ladies that go to her hair dresser every week to get her hair "done". For as long as I can remember, my aunt Dot, has gone every week to get her hair done. It use to be on Wednesday afternoons when I was younger. Now that my cousin has her cosmetology license, my aunt Dot & my aunt Kat (who is my cousin's grandmother), go get their hair done every Friday morning. For the past several months, my mom has been going with them to get hers done as well. This has actually been a great arrangement for a number of reasons - 1. it gives my mom something to look forward to every week; 2. its a great opportunity for her to get in some socialization with someone other than my dad; and 3. it gets my mom's hair clean! See, my mom has always been one of those women who washed & dried her hair every day/every other day, then fixed it every morning with her curling iron, ALWAYS! Never anything fancy, but she took 5 minutes to make her hair look nice. Once her Alzheimer's started progressing some, she started loosing track of when she washed her hair, & some days she wouldn't even brush it.
This was really hard on us. It's tricky telling someone you love that they need to brush their hair before you leave to go out to dinner, or to church, etc. And, its even trickier telling them they need to wash their hair when they take their shower. While my mom's hair could stand to be washed at least twice a week, getting it washed, or "done", once a week is better than nothing. My cousin does a great job of keeping it trimmed where it looks nice for the rest of the week.
Back to the story now. My dad mentioned his plans on coming down Thursday afternoon to my mom & asked her if she wanted to go let my cousin do her hair Thursday morning. Well, the answer was a big fat NO! You don't mess with my mom's beauty shop appointment. An extra 24 hours with her daughter, son-in-law, & 2 grandchildren, or keeping her normal hair appointment for Friday morning - no brainer, right?! Of course my dad is a little upset, but he did put it best, "At least 24 hours with y'all is better than nothing."
One of the biggest things with Alzheimer's is routine & consistency. If you start changing up their routines, it can upset them. They like knowing what to expect. In a world where you don't always remember things you should, or always know what's going on, routine & consistency are things that you can control & depend on. The other is travel. Home is their comfort zone. My mom will still travel, but she doesn't like staying anywhere for more than 2 days. She still gets turned around in my house when she comes out of her room trying to find the bathroom, and things like that, even though I've lived here for a year now & they've been down numerous times.
What Nana would choose to get their hair done over 24 hours with her adorable (& my kids are extra adorable!) grandkids? My mom, that's who! All I can do is shake my head & laugh.....
Jennifer
Before I continue, I need to give you a little background info so you better understand this story. My mom has turned into one of those little old ladies that go to her hair dresser every week to get her hair "done". For as long as I can remember, my aunt Dot, has gone every week to get her hair done. It use to be on Wednesday afternoons when I was younger. Now that my cousin has her cosmetology license, my aunt Dot & my aunt Kat (who is my cousin's grandmother), go get their hair done every Friday morning. For the past several months, my mom has been going with them to get hers done as well. This has actually been a great arrangement for a number of reasons - 1. it gives my mom something to look forward to every week; 2. its a great opportunity for her to get in some socialization with someone other than my dad; and 3. it gets my mom's hair clean! See, my mom has always been one of those women who washed & dried her hair every day/every other day, then fixed it every morning with her curling iron, ALWAYS! Never anything fancy, but she took 5 minutes to make her hair look nice. Once her Alzheimer's started progressing some, she started loosing track of when she washed her hair, & some days she wouldn't even brush it.
This was really hard on us. It's tricky telling someone you love that they need to brush their hair before you leave to go out to dinner, or to church, etc. And, its even trickier telling them they need to wash their hair when they take their shower. While my mom's hair could stand to be washed at least twice a week, getting it washed, or "done", once a week is better than nothing. My cousin does a great job of keeping it trimmed where it looks nice for the rest of the week.
Back to the story now. My dad mentioned his plans on coming down Thursday afternoon to my mom & asked her if she wanted to go let my cousin do her hair Thursday morning. Well, the answer was a big fat NO! You don't mess with my mom's beauty shop appointment. An extra 24 hours with her daughter, son-in-law, & 2 grandchildren, or keeping her normal hair appointment for Friday morning - no brainer, right?! Of course my dad is a little upset, but he did put it best, "At least 24 hours with y'all is better than nothing."
One of the biggest things with Alzheimer's is routine & consistency. If you start changing up their routines, it can upset them. They like knowing what to expect. In a world where you don't always remember things you should, or always know what's going on, routine & consistency are things that you can control & depend on. The other is travel. Home is their comfort zone. My mom will still travel, but she doesn't like staying anywhere for more than 2 days. She still gets turned around in my house when she comes out of her room trying to find the bathroom, and things like that, even though I've lived here for a year now & they've been down numerous times.
What Nana would choose to get their hair done over 24 hours with her adorable (& my kids are extra adorable!) grandkids? My mom, that's who! All I can do is shake my head & laugh.....
Jennifer
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Rough Day
So, Today It is absolutely beautiful outside. The weather is WONDERFUL! I packed up the kid's and Mom as well, and we went to the old Chapman Track to walk. Mom could only walk a couple of laps very slowly before wanting to go sit in the car. Keegan, my oldest, went and sat with her until I finished up walking. I could tell she was getting in a bad mood. So, I brought her home. The boys have been playing outside a good bit, as to Not get on her nerves inside. She has been very testy today. Keegan asked for something to drink earlier and she got on him because he wanted a can of sprite. She made sure he didn't get any of her drinks. Its so hard seeing the look in my children's faces. He just couldn't understand why she wouldn't share. It's hard when she's hateful and or Mean to my boy's. My first instinct as a Mother is to protect them, but I'm also a Daughter, and I have to stop and think. Then, I address the situation. I had just happen to bring a Big sprite for My Boys to share, so that helped the situation alot. I can always tell when she's in an Extremley BAD mood, because she Talks to her self Extremley Loud. She has done that ALL day. I am having to pray for Patients today. I feel so selfish feeling that way. But, I'm learning everyday. I Love my Mama, and so do my boys. Sometimes I think they kind of understand, then other times the look in their eyes says it all. Praying for Patience, and Guidance....... Until next time. Keep following.
Allison :)
Allison :)
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