It's ALWAYS My Fault

Growing up, I was the quiet shy child who never got in any trouble.  Allison, on the other hand, was the loud mouthed, getting into trouble, always starting stuff child.  I'm not use to getting blamed for things, especially by my mom.  But, for the past 2 years, EVERYTHING (well, everything that she doesn't blame on my dad) is ALWAYS my fault!

For instance, mom was cold one day last summer & went to check the thermostat.  She found that it had been turned down, and this made her very upset.  She immediately got angry, & started going off about how I always come over & turn down the air like its my house.  The reason this is funny, you ask - I had not been there in at least a month or more at this time.  Allison, who was currently at the house & the culprit, was quick to agree with mom & said she didn't know why I always did that either.  Of course, its sad that she didn't put together that I wasn't there, she wasn't cold the day before, or that Allison was there then.  But, you learn to laugh at the absurdity that it was me that turned the air down when I live over 3 hours away, & not to mention the fact that my own sister threw me under the bus, so mom wouldn't be upset with her.  Mom didn't talk to me for the rest of the week!

Starting the middle of last February, mom went about a month without talking to me because she was so mad.  According to her, my daughter was seriously sick, & I was keeping it from her.  My daughter's birthday is the middle of February, & mine is at the end of the month.  She wouldn't come down to celebrate her own granddaughter's birthday over her anger with me.  Of course, I cried a LOT over this, but then had to laugh at the absurdity again.  She still wouldn't talk to me a week & a half later on my own birthday!  By the way, my daughter is completely healthy. There is a lot more to that story, but its for another day!

Last week, I supposedly called my mother fat.  While she has gained a lot of weight lately, due to eating out all the time, I would never tell her or anyone that they are fat.  One of the things we discussed at the Alzheimer's Association was getting out & exercising & eating healthier.  On Tuesday, Allison had the day off & had planned on going to get mom & going to walk.  When I talked to mom that night, I asked if they went & walked to get her exercise in.  Somehow, from that, I called her fat.  She didn't talk to me for 2 days.  Luckily, she got over it pretty fast due to my 2 adorable children calling her on Skype!

I could go on & on with stories that I get blamed for.  But, in hindsight, I don't really mind being the one to get blamed.  I consider it my roll in this journey.  Yes, it is hard sometimes, but I have to remind myself that its the disease, and not my mother.  See, when my mom gets upset, she seems to direct all her anger towards one person.  If that person is my dad, or Allison, who do most of the day to day caregiving, it makes things really hard.  If its me, it doesn't really hurt other than me not getting to talk to her.  It also helps take away some of the guilt I feel for not being closer to help more.  I have my own way of helping - by it ALWAYS BEING MY FAULT!

Jennifer